First of all, thank you for indulging me in my Pity Party. I read through my last post and while what I felt was real, it was also really ridiculous all at the same time.
Most things got done on my list and I even managed a rotten bullying situation and re-financed the car to a lower rate along with everything else. So while I could have chugged through this brain ooze without telling you all about it, this public Spaz-Fest taught me a few things:
1) I am not alone when I feel over-loaded and
B) None of the stuff that stressed me out was all that important when I stepped back and got some perspective on it
One commenter, Cindy, gave me a reality check. She asked what I thought it would be like as a parent. Honestly, I had no clue it could get this wacked out. I had been a teacher and managed a classroom, but had never managed a family. In my family growing up, my Mom made the whole thing seem pretty easy. She was PTA President, Girl Scout Troop Leader, Master Uber Mom. Our house never looked like a bomb went off in it (my room excluded when I was in high school), dinner was always a formal deal (because my Dad demanded it ~a story for another post), and she seemed to have things under control.
My sister and I never played sports in elementary school, so she didn’t have to juggle that, and there were only two of us, not three, but still, she had plenty going on. Granted, she could never find her glasses or her car keys, but looking back, this was the only sign that there might be chink in her Mothering armor. (I should note here that I lost my car keys back in 2007 and still have not found them. I got home, so they have to be in the house SOMEWHERE. To this day, I think I threw them out by accident.) Rock on, Mom. You always found your keys eventually. You made being an adult with a lot to juggle seem like a managable reality.
Other situations outside my own family gave glimpses of what parenting would be like before I had kids myself, but I ignored the signs about it being overwhelming. Or I arrogantly thought I would be able to handle the madness. Or at least I thought I would enjoy the madness. And most days, I do, but last week on Thursday I didn’t, and I shared that feeling with all twenty of you. (I know who you faithful readers are, and I thank you.)
Here’s how I will label my brain today: Better Than Thursday.
I was complaining about mild mosquito-buzzing-around-your-ear-for-an-hour-while-you-try-to-enjoy-a-sunset kind of stuff. I feel blessed I wasn’t on overload because:
my husband is facing a lifelong illness that leaves him bed-ridden and I have to care for him (this is my friend’s reality)
I can’t form a complete thought because I’m on my second round of chemo to battle bone cancer (another friend has this going on)
I’m a single Dad selling my home because my business went belly-up and I can’t afford the morgage payment (happening to another friend)
My personal anxiety could have been filed under Stuff That Really Doesn’t Matter, When I Lose My Perspective Of What’s Important or Things Most People Feel But Keep Their Mouths Shut About. I realize that. My brain is back to its normal level of Minorly Jumbled instead of Majorly Overloaded. It’s good to be back here. I’m blessed with luxury of being stressed over petty, small things, not life-altering situations that hit your reality over the head when you wake up in the morning. So lucky. I acknowledge that from the bottom of my Grateful For My Life heart.
Another friend has a favorite saying: “I can have it all…just not all at the same time.” Amen, sister.
Blessings to you and yours. And thanks again for feeling my overload. Seek me out next time you feel that way yourself. I’ll be right here waiting to meet you in the everyday madness; and working to be grateful for every minute of it.