I lost my blogging mojo. Big time. Posts rattled around in my head every day for the past three months, but I never found the time to put them here. I like the saying, “What you resist, persists.” Well, this blog is persistent. I kept pushing it aside, writing for Mom Central, spending the summer with the boys, travelling, working on our house, and avoiding things here.
But this blog persisted in working into my brain. Ideas for blog posts wouldn’t go away.
There’s so many reasons why I lost my mojo. Here are some of them:
I hate how this blog looks. I call myself an artist, but don’t have any skills in blog design. I need to hire someone to create the things I want for this space, but that takes money, money I don’t want to spend that way right now. So I’m avoiding being here.
I don’t like to hang out in a place that’s unattractive. You probably don’t either -if you’re reading this right now -bless you for ignoring the ugliness around this space and focusing on my words.
Most of all, I felt ashamed of dropping the ball on my Pledge-A-Post idea. It was all coming together. I hit the $100 dollar mark of pledge money and passed it -I even got a check for my birthday to match the funds that I pledge here -I know! Awesome, right? -and a friend offered her help and knowledge to make my idea grow.
Actually, I didn’t just drop the ball on this blog. I drop-kicked the ball off a cliff and watched it bounce down into an abyss for months.
I hate when I behave this way.
But as I said earlier, what I resist, persists. Too many things came together lately to push me to write here again. I traveled to San Francisco last weekend with Stacy DeBroff. She is my boss, but most importantly, she’s my friend. We hung out, ate amazing food and had a blast. This woman has taught me so much and given me a job and career I adore. She consistently rocks my world and I can’t imagine my life without her.
Another woman I admire and adore, Sarah Browne, met up with us to spend the afternoon as we explored The City. (That’s what we called it growing up, it will always be The City to me.) Spending time with the two of these ladies made me smile so much I grinned like a goon all day long.
The one place I desperately wanted to share with Stacy and Sarah was the Buena Vista near Ghirardelli Square. My Dad used to hang out here and told me stories of all the trouble he used to cause at this famous bar.
The BV (as we call it in my family) is famous for their Irish Coffee. To see them prepared here is unforgettable and they taste fantastic. We ordered a round and I took photos. And I held back tears as I sat with these two women I admire.
I wished my Dad could have been sitting with us. He would have absolutely adored these smart, powerful, dynamic women as much as I do -or maybe more. My Dad loved success stories and loved smart entrepreneurs.
I miss him.
This week is National Suicide Prevention Week. I shared coffee with two of my favorite women at a favorite hang-out of my Dad’s the weekend before our nation proclaims a unified effort to stop people like my Dad from doing what he did. And my Dad would have had a blast with us if he was still alive today. That seemed strangely coincidental.
But wait, there’s more.
Through my job at Mom Central, I met an inspirational blogger named Cristi Comes. Her blog, motherhoodunadorned.com, was created when a friend of hers committed suicide. She started the blog to help others and stop the silence surrounding suicide. Her blog is a powerful collection of honesty and proclamation. She wants survivors to have a voice and not feel alone when dealing with loss due to suicide.
She inspires me to get my rear in gear with this blog and make it the place I want it to be.
She asked me to write a guest post for her during this specific week, and then I ended up at the BV the weekend before she needed the post, and then Sarah told me about Trey Pennington’s death this week. Alright, I may need to be hit over the head with a hammer, but I get it. I need to give this blog some attention.
So here I am again. So what if three people read this blog and it needs the equivalent of Yard Crashers for blogs. (Did you hear that, blog designers?!? That idea is golden! Go ahead and steal it because, clearly, I can’t make it happen, or this blog wouldn’t look like this!) Signs are telling me I need to be here and keep doing this.
If you are a person who has survived a suicide, I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m sorry for mine as well. I wish the circumstances about my Dad were different, but I can’t change that. I can only change what I do about it from now on.
So now I write. I pledge ten more dollars to my Pledge-A-Post, taking the total to $130. I talk about what happened with my Dad so others don’t feel alone. And maybe someone will realize life is much better with them than without them after reading my words.
If you are considering suicide, get the help you need and deserve. You are worth it and you will be missed, no matter what you think. Blessings to you and yours.