Way To Go, Grandma!

M3 is a reading machine. He reads everything he sees wherever we go. Since we spend a ridiculous time driving around town in my hot, making-everyone-jealous, dropped-a fridge-on-it minivan, he reads many street signs, buildings signs and bumperstickers.

Reading the signage is fine. The bumper stickers are proving to be a problem.

We’re driving around town last week and saw one that said “GRANDMAS KICK A**”. I saw the bumper sticker before M3 started reading it out loud and I immediately tried to create a diversion. “SQUIRREL!” (Whatever works, right?)

As we passed the car I took a look at the driver. I felt compelled to see what kind of Grandma would proclaim the awesomeness of her position in a family by using profanity on her bumper sticker. I wondered if she, indeed, kicked a**.

Honestly, I’m not sure what I expected to see, but I didn’t see anything different about this Grandma than any other. This Grandma just was ballsy enough to drive around town with a swear word on her car.


She didn’t have any grand-kids in the car with her. Maybe there was a conversation like this in her family, “You are not driving my children around in that car with that bumper sticker!” Maybe, but I doubt it. She was probably on her way to pick them all up.

I wondered what happened at her grandkids’ house when she drove up in her car. Did the grandchildren explode out of the house as soon as she pulled into view yelling, “WAHOO! Our a**-kickin’ Grandma is here! Did our sh*t-kickin’ Grandpa come, too?!?” And when she pulls out to leave after a visit, do the kids wave at the retreating car, read the bumper sticker, and think to themselves “Yes, yes they do.”

Maybe she does, in fact, kick a**, but I think she’s doing exactly the opposite by putting that message on her car. I’m not a linguistic prude. I’ll drop the f-bomb or another swear word if it seems funny or appropriate. But I don’t do this in front of my kids or any other kids.

When bumper stickers with less-than-appropriate messages are stuck on cars driven by high schoolers or college students, I read them, smile, laugh if it’s funny, shake my head, and drive on. Sure, I wish they’d find a more private way to express themselves, but I figure they’ll get there eventually. Or at least I hope they will.

Grandma missed the memo about knowing what’s appropriate. She missed that memo for about twenty years, at least.

Way to go, Grandma.


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